I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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