how can u be prego again
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
