i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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