If i come over, it means nothing
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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