She said her name was "party"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
