Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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