There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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