Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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