I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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