I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
