he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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