Non-Jews are for practice
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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