so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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