can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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