So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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