i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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