if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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