That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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