Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
