Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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