Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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