Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
