I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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