My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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