my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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