Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
