I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
