yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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