in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
