I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
