ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
