weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
