plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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