escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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