Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
