Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
