someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
