He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
soo... how was my night?
I had to cum in my sink.
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