just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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