You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
