At least make sure they are 18
Why
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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