you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
