Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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