I want to stick my p in your. b.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
