Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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