walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
