it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
