you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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