I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
