I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
