Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
