Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
