Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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