Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
