You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
