Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
