I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
