Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
