You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
