i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
