You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
