I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
