their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
