I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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