Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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