Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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