I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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