How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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