My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
